Mr World
by soulfulbee
Summary: Can the guys protect the president's daughter, and compete in the Mr. World pageant? Reviews would be very much appreciated! The more reviews I recieve the more I write. Chappie nine is up!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own any GI JOE whatsoever. I am just a college student , yeah a college student which means I have no money period.   
  
" The Plan"   
  
Hawk: Ok this "will" be God willing a "normal" meeting today.   
  
Psyche Out: Describe what you would actually call "normal" in GI JOE.   
  
Hawk: Point taken. Getting down to business. The president has asked us to personally oversee security for his daughter at a beauty pageant. Cobra seems to have a keen interest in kidnapping her and holding her for ransom. Therefore it is going to be our job to basically be baby-sitter .   
  
Scarlet: Two words " Whining Bitch"  
  
Flint: I agree.   
  
Hawk: Thats not necessarily true. She has a couple of good personality traits.  
  
Beach Head:Such as ?  
  
Hawk: She flosses , and ........ well she is kind to animals.  
  
Beach Head: Yeah my point exactly   
  
Hawk: Its just that well she known to be a, how do you say it ...   
  
Duke: Bitch   
  
Flint: Slut   
  
Lady Jaye: Bitch who is always on all fours?  
  
Beach Head: Socially Inept Whore who couldn't find her way out of a broom closet even when the light is on.   
  
Sgt. Slaughter: I got nothing.   
  
Hawk: More long the lines of difficult and it will be left at that . Anyway we will have tight security around the building at all times. No one gets in or out without us knowing period.   
  
Scarlett:Wait isn't Cobra trying to assassinate the presidents daughter last month?   
  
Hawk: Affirmative, and luckily the assassin was apprehended. This was the only way that we found out information on this devious plot Cobra had in mind.   
  
Duke: When and Where is this beauty pageant supposed to take place.   
  
Hawk: In three weeks. That should give us plenty preparation time for the all security detail that we will need to set up. Oh and whomever decided to take a certain stuffed bear please return it to the right owner and no questions asked. Dismissed except Lady Jaye and Scarlet.   
  
All the male counterparts of GI Joe left, except for Hawk. There was an eerie silence in the room, and the light over the conference room flicked constantly. Eventually bring annoyance to both females which sat there. Waiting for a answer from Hawk.   
  
Lady Jaye: So who are you going to choose to be in the beauty pageant?   
  
Scarlet: Yeah who do you think is more attractive to be in the pageant?   
  
Hawk: First thing you both are beautiful attractive young women, but its not that type of competition.   
  
Scarlet: Then what type of competion is it ? Just out of curiosity?  
  
Hawk: Well I need you two, Jinx, Covergirl, and our new recruit Crimson to select the six men to be in the Mr. World Competition.   
  
Lady Jaye: Your joking right ?  
  
Scarlett: I don't think he 's joking Jaye.   
  
Lady Jaye : Do you seriously think that they're actually going to go for it.   
  
Hawk: Well its either that or protect the president's daughter up close and personal.   
  
Scarlett: So how long do we have?   
  
Hawk: Five days for selection, then two weeks for training for the pageant. I know all five of you will select the finest and brightest in GI JOE. Dismissed  
  
Like it, hate it ? Its one in the morning and this college student is also studying for finals. Hehe Ah yes marine coffee a very good thing to be equipped with. My uncle is one and he made it for me just for finals. All right I am talking to much. Clicky to make review down there. 


	2. First victim

GI Joe

" Part II The first victi.. Selection"

Disclaimer: I do not own GI JOE period. Just borrowing the characters. Crimson is mine. College the place where the real world and the protected world create some abnormal universe.

All five women sat in the little makeshift conference center in the middle of their living room. There was a projector that focused on the wall. The room displayed with the first male candidate from the hundreds of others that are on the walls. His code name Leather Neck. A stern grin reigned in the photograph. Crimson the newest member was shaking her head no, and cover girl shook yes. Jinx became the first to give her opinion on him.

Jinx: Well I say he sort of looks like good material.

Scarlett:( reluctantly) I say Nay he is too old looking, he looks twice his age.

Crimson: Why do you say that?

Scarlett: Well he has more wrinkles than an elephant .

Covergirl: Since I was in the world of modeling, I think wrinkles these days are all the rage for men.

Crimson: Why ?

Covergirl: They seem to bring out more character.

Crimson: I would have to agree with you, however this is a beauty contest, and no guy in these photos shown here has a trace of gray hair or wrinkles.

Jinx: She's has a point there.

Crimson: But at the same time, there are surely lots of men his age that use botox injections, and still compete.

Scarlett: True very true .

Lady Jaye: Well seriously think about it, would we want Leather Neck or the even the possibility of Wet Suit prancing around us all day, because they thought; we choose them; because they are dare I say it attractive?

Covergirl: Oh God the terror, and the terrible thing about it is that they won't know to shut the hell up about it. Noooooo! We can't allow for that to happen on God's green Earth! NONONO!

Scarlett: I have to agree with her on that one. They're bad enough as it is!

Crimson: From the way you describe them they seem like the apocalypse of pride.

Lady Jaye: They sum up everything that is very bad about guys in general!

Jinx: No they don't!

Courtney: Maybe you have been taking one too many punches?

Jinx: Its called Shipwreck. Need I say more?

Lady Jaye: Nope, moving on Tunnel Rat ?

Scarlett: Nice guy, but he is needed somewhere else than a beauty pageant. And has a disturbing obsession with dirt.

Crimson: How can you have an obsession with dirt ?

Lady Jaye: Courtney remember last year when he broke up with Stacie?

Courtney: Yeah he decided to um how do you say plant a white rose bush , and separate the dirt by type and consistency.

Lady Jaye: Oh yeah, didn't he flip when Ace "ruined" on pile by breathing ?

Crimson: What ? I would be obsessed over the rose bushed not the dirt. Its illogical to be obsessed over something that is plentiful.

Scarlett: Crimson your an example on how a sane human being thinks. My dear you will come to know the people on this base as certifiable.

Crimson: Wow. I think the dirt thing is a big one so no.

Jinx: no

Scarlett: No

Courtney: No

Lady Jaye: No, Next victim ?

Jinx: Falcon?

Crimson: I would rather have my leg broken, and be shot at close range with a smooth barrel saw off shot gun than pick him.

Jinx: Hey what is wrong with him?

Covergirl: Jinx your dating him, and knowing Falcon if we branded him as " potentially attractive". Then the one liners would never end. Leading us to eventually murder him.

Lady Jaye: Good point

Scarlett: Next!

Jinx: Roadblock.

Covergirl: All right finally someone that I can at least tolerate and like.

Lady Jaye: I vote yes.

Crimson: I agree.

Jinx: Scarlett what do have to say?

Scarlett: Definite yes, and he is just such a nice guy. Plus the memories of the Peach Cobbler is coming back to me.

Courtney: Amen to that, damn that man can cook.

Crimson: So our first victim is Roadblock.

Jinx : Finally someone that will actually blush over the mere fact of being attractive than pride it.

Yeah I haven't been back for a longgggg time. So in honor of all those that reviewed I rewrite for any potential flaws and what not hehe! Please keep on reviewing.


	3. Shipwreck and future beauty treatment

GI JOE

Mr. World

Part three " The other contestants"

I do not own GI JOE period. I own crimson.

Lady Jaye: OK how about Snake Eyes?

Scarlett: Ummmmm no, he would never agree to it .

Lady Jaye: You are right.

Crimson: Who is Snake Eyes?

Lady Jaye: Our hand to hand combat instructor. Believe me Snake Eyes is good at what he does, and I would rather have him watching my back than be prancing about in a beauty contest.

Scarlett: Damn Straight !

Covergirl: Next!

Jinx: Duke

Lady Jaye : I say yes.

Scarlett: Hell yeah

Crimson: Yes

Jinx: Yes

Covergirl: Yes

Crimson: That is victim number two.

Lady Jaye: Holy Shit Shipwreck ?

Jinx : Hell no !

Covergirl : I 'd rather be shot than choose him any day!

Scarlett: That bastard stole my freaking Victoria Secret collection !

Crimson: No he didn't !

Scarlett: Yes he did. Not only did he steal the Victorian secret collection but he stole the most coveted off all my pieces which I like .

Crimson: Which is the angel collection right?

Scarlett: Yeah thats right, how you know?

Crimson: After he helped me with my baggage to the elevator my collections mysteriously disappeared. I loved it too. HE SHALL HAVE TO PAY!

Courtney: Yes he will pay and dearly starting with his playboy magazines he stowes in the motor pool.

Lady Jaye : Ladies I would have state a definite No. All right moving...

Crimson: Yes I vote for him.

Jinx: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ON?

Crimson: Think about the grueling beauty treatments he'll have to endure . Especially the bikini wax, and not too mention his ass. Oh and did I mention the "male" enhancements hehe.

AN" You will see "here

Devious smiles crossed all the girls faces at the thought of there comrade being stuck in a waxing salon getting the "special treatment". Their eyes glazed out a little, and then refocused. There were laughs all around, and Jinx highlighted off the name slowly.

Covergirl: Next!

Jinx: Wet Suit .

ALL : Next !

Jinx: Flint

Lady Jaye: NO ! I don't need him on his damn high horse, and he'll never get over himself especially if he wins that damn contest.

Crimson: OK

Covergirl: NEXT!

Jinx: Sgt. Slaughter.

Crimson: I'd give him a chance. I mean really nice guy nice green eyes...

Lady Jaye: Wait, so he's actually taken off his sunglasses?

Crimson: Yeah, why.

They all stared at her in disbelief. The mere thought of the Sgt. Just taking off sunglasses is just a new concept for them all. Silence regained for about a good 2 minutes in the room. Until Courtney shattered it.

Covergirl: Yeah I can see him in the Mr. World pageant

Scarlett: Nah I can't see him.

Crimson: Why?

Scarlett: I just can't see it period. Its very hard visualizing him in the pageant

Jinx: I vote we put him in.

Lady Jaye: Nay the base needs him more than the mission does at the moment.

Crimson: Yeah he is a good instructor, and without him two weeks would be all with Beach Head all the time. For 9 hours each day for the next 2 weeks.

Covergirl: I change my damn vote, He is not going.

Jinx : Okay its 3 to 2. He is staying.

Crimson: Next!

Jinx: Wild Bill

Scarlett: Ummm No, Not a fan of the hat or his how do you say it insanity?.

Covergirl: Yeah, He is not exactly there.

Crimson: Too much cowboy...

Lady Jaye: Not necessarily . I mean well he could its just that can you really expect him to carry himself in such a manner that people will want to elect him as MR. World.

Jinx: Okay NEXT!

Crimson: Slipstream

Meanwhile it didn't take long for the rumors to circle around base that six men were to be chosen for the pageant Guys were literally chatting up a storm in the rec. room. Correction mostly those men with huge egos.

Wet Suit: Well I know the fact that they just have to choose me since, I am the most good looking of the group.

Leather Neck: Yeah you are good looking when your standing in the dark. .

Wet Suit: Say that again you...

Wild Bill: Will you two shut the hell up, Top gun is on, and I can't hear the explosions.

Ace: Well everybody knows logically Duke will be the handpicked first off.

Leather Neck: You heard me!

Duke: If anybody needs me ;I'll be in my office. What the heck did you just say?

Ace: Yeah logically from a female's perspective you are the one deemed most attractive male on the base.

Duke: What do you think that every girl that I come across thinks that I am attractive? You couldn't be more wrong and mistaken.

Ace: Thing is hands down you got selected already, and the rest of us are pretty much competing against each other in this case. You will always come out on top when it comes to looks.

Shipwreck: Well I know the girls will pick me, because of my irresistible looks and charm.

Leather Neck and Wet Suit: Shipwreck their is no chance in hell you would get picked!

Wild Bill: ALL RIGHT THATS IT ! All three of you out now. Take that crap someplace, and let us at least have some peace tonight.

Leather Neck: Fine

Shipwreck: I know that the ladies can't resist my charm at all. After all I do charm them on a daily basis.

Wet Suit: Shipwreck: Your using the word charm in other words means annoyance to them.

Wild Bill: You made me miss the freaking best part.

Falcon: Well I just know they must pick...

Wild Bill: Falcon would you like to be six feet under ?

Falcon: No why ?

Wild Bill: Your about to be if you don't shut the hell up.

Lifeline: Whomever they choose, they choose period. Its not like anything is on the line here. Besides beauty is found in the eye of the beholder. Without substance what is truly beauty?

Wet Suit : That is why I am the best choice, since I contain substance.

Alpine: Wet Suit you just let yourself wide open

Officially its been two days since the meeting of screening the guys for the beauty contest has began. The ladies have intended to just have break for an hour until they started watching " The Notebook" well you know where romance movies lead. 150 minutes later after crying to a good ending. AN: yeah I know , I cried to the freaking ending as well. It was a really good freaking movie. Now sitting in the makeshift conference center, they discuss their next candidate with great interest.

Lady Jaye: WOAH this is just wow, I mean he's the perfect candidate.

Covergirl: Crimson your a genius.

Scarlett: Who ever thought that subjecting him to this would be so much fun.

Crimson: This is some major payback for all that crap he has done to us hehe. And we can't exactly not say that we don't find him attractive.

Jinx: Beach Head in a beauty contest. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAH. Oh Cheese and Crackers can Beach Head even make it past the first round?

Covergirl: Good point. Check him off any way just for the hell of it . NEXT! OH Cheese and Crackers this is fun!

Crimson: Word Up

Jinx: Mainframe

Covergirl: Nah

Lady Jaye: He is a geek to the heart . He will be comfortable behind the scenes.

Scarlett: She's right. He will be with a computer most of the time.

Crimson: I agree

Jinx: Nah. Okay next is Lifeline .

Crimson: Yes .

Covergirl: Yes

Scarlett: Nah he's too shy, and besides he's our medic. Without him there is only Doc left, and I'd have to admit that he is one of the only insane ones that can act sane in this group. We need him to be around here

Jinx: No

Lady Jaye: No

Jinx: All right next up is Low Light .

Covergirl: He doesn't have what would you call it social skills. Besides he needs a serious over hall personality wise.

Jinx: I have to agree with that one.

Lady Jaye : I have to say ...

Crimson: Wait . Maybe this pageant will make him somewhat more social.

Covergirl: How would it make him more social again? He barely talks to any of the guys here. No way he'd never agree to it.

Lady Jaye : I think she's right. This is Low Light here the one who volunteered first to work every holiday ever since he got here. Hell thats been over the past decade, and he is seriously looking past even hawks age.

Covergirl: I don't know. I think he'd rather bust a cap in his own knee first, and cut off his arm than participate in the competition.

Jinx: I think Low Light should definitely go for it. He'll be one of the best guys that can go without being easily distracted by the contest. I say yes.

Crimson: Yes

Covergirl: No

Lady Jaye: Yes

Scarlett: Yes

Jinx: So another victim to the pageant All right next is Spirit.

Covergirl: Yes

Lady Jaye: Definitely

Crimson: Yes

Jinx : Yes

Scarlett: Yes. I can not believe it. Is that all of them?

Lady Jaye:Yuppers that is all of our current teammates that are not actually away on missions. Phew five days work done in a four day period.

Covergirl: Come on its time to go and see the light. You see by isolating ourselves for four days, we got five days worth of work done. Do you think that they missed us?

Crimson: Probably , since we are the only women on base right, unless one of them are hiding something.

Jinx: Wait I think that we should choose a handicap just in case someone gets sick. Okay who should play handicap for the competition?

Crimson: How bout lifeline.

Covergirl: Lifeline, he'll be a deer in headlights, and he would freeze up at a moment notice.

Lady Jaye: Well there is also Gung Ho.

Jinx: How bout Torpedo, Stalker, Footloose?

Crimson: I still pick Lifeline all the way through. Lets face it, he is the one who is less likely to get pig headed after the entire event.

Covergirl: Yes for Lifeline

Jinx: All right yes, as a matter of fact this can get interesting.

Scarlett: Oh heck yeah.

Lady Jaye : Yes, all right the offical contestants are going to be Duke, Roadblock, Shipwreck, Lowlight, Beach Head, Spirit and alas Lifeline as a handicap.

The women slowly piled into the elevator, and it descended down to the main floor. As they walked past the rec. room Wild Bill's hoots could be heard from the room. When taking a right turn down the hallway people were sticking their heads out of their rooms straining their hearing to hear at least something from the group. But to no avail footsteps was all that resounded in the hallway. The small band finally came in front of Hawks office, knocked on the door. They heard a muffled yes and walked in.

Hawk: Good Job ladies. I knew that you had it in you. I know the selection must have been tedious and I trust your judgment completely. Now lets see what we have here... Shipwreck!

All: Yes

Hawk : Okay if you say so . I will call these six to the conference room, and tell them to prep for 2 intense weeks of training. And why are you all smiling ?

Courtney: nothing, just nothing. Hehehe.

Hawk: Covergirl is their something I should know?

Courtney: No everything is fine. Everything is okay. I should get to the motor pool now and do something.

Hawk: Dismissed.

Single file they left the office and departed into different directions to attend the daily duties assigned to them. Hawk remained still in the office, and kept on reading the list over and over again. Some of the choices seemed logical, others him thinking that the ladies were possibly certifiable.

Hawk: I do not want to know at all period. Shipwreck of all people to choose for this.

TBC...


	4. grrrrrr

GI Joe

Chapter 4

Disclaimer:I do not own GI JOE period. I am not a rich college student.

" The meeting"

Hawk: All right lets get down to business shall we? You all were selected for this mission based for the high skills and profeintcy in GI JOE. We selected based on over qualifying skills and traits that each of you possess to some degree. We selected all six of you based on the achivement and your record of successfully completed missions ever in GI JOE.

Roadblock: Ok then why is Shipwreck here ?

Low Light : Good question.

Hawk : everybody has something to contribute will serving in GI JOE. Now all of you have first priority of being protecting the president's daughter from danger.

Duke: Funny danger seems to follow her instead.

Shipwreck: yeah it does , doesn;t it.

Low light : So are we in charge of running the mission?

Hawk: Not quite, but at all times you will be considered essential personel. You will have access to all inforamtion at all times, and will be given the job of snuffing out the mole in contest.

Duke: Meaning ?

Scarlett: you boys were selected because we actually think you have what it take for a person to be in a beauty contest.

Shipwreck: I knew you would pick me. I wam just irrestibale, aren't I. I knew you ladies couldn't resist my charms.

Beach Head : BEAUTY CONTEST! I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR A BEAUTY CONTEST! I AM IN CHARGE OF SOLIDERGING.

Crimson: No, Shipwreck we can resist your charms, but not Beach Heads smell.

Beach Head : What the HELL did you...

Crimson: Its the truth man. You stink to the high heaven. Maybe an flamboyant guy goes for that, but sure as heaven Women don't.

Beach Head: I WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE HELL IF I LIVE THROUGH THIS!

Covergirl: We feel as though you had the skills equipped to be on this mission. I hope its not to difficult for you Beach Head. After all its only a contest that you will have to put a show on for. That should not be so freaking hard for you.

HawK: Atten Hut

Everyone: Yes sir

Hawk: Now that I have your attention men, you will proceed down the to the airstrip , and fly out to a undisclosed location with your fellow Joes and recieve training for the contest.

Crimson: Sir permission to speak

Hawk: Granted.

Crimson: Is it technically a pageant ?

Hawk: Does that reallllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyy matter ?

Crimson: Absolutely Not but I asked it just to be a pain in the ass.

Low Light: Do we REALLY have to put on makeup and do the song / dance ?

Hawk: Yes

Lady Jaye: So when do we leave?

Hawk: Right now . Dismissed !

All right voting will begin to take place for which character should win the entire contest. 


	5. walk and talk

GI Joe chapter 5   
  
" The Walk and Dance Number "  
  
I Know heres the deal I DO NOT OWN GI Joe period. I do not own any of the song lyrics presented in this fanfic period.   
  
DAY ONE   
  
Covergirl: Good luck guys.   
  
Duke: Hey where are you guys going .   
  
Scarlett: To go help set up detail for the pageant. Did you think that we were seriously going to hang around you guys for the next two weeks?   
  
Roadblock: yes , yes we did. We have no idea what the hell were doing in a beauty contest.   
  
Crimson: Oh you guys will be fine. Don't worry they will just poke and prode you thats all. I mean it doesn't really sound that bad..   
  
Then a man in a gray slacks and unbuttoned red silk shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows bursted through the door. It stratled the Joes abit, but due to experience they calmed easily. His hair was a baby blue color and his eyes were the darkest chocolate brown. They had shined with determination and intelligence. Then another man walked into the room, and he had purple cornrolls. He stood about 5'6", and began to look over his new students.   
  
Shane: Hello I am Shane your new instructor for your pageant, and this is my partner Jovi.   
  
Jovi: Hello everyone !!!   
  
Roadblock : United States Special Forces Unit GI JOE here to recieve training for the contest. Where do we begin.   
  
Shane: Oh honey don't worry I read all of your dossie'. And let me say I am impressed by your unit tremendously.   
  
Beach Head: Of course you would be since I trained them.   
  
Jovi: You must the hardass Wayne Sneeden that I have heard so much about.   
  
Beach Head: Damn straight   
  
Jovi: Then you in the black you must be Low Light   
  
Low Light : Yes sir   
  
Shane: You must be the handsome boy Duke.   
  
Duke: Ummm yeah, are you ...   
  
Shane : Hell yeah , and I wouldn't be any other way. Of course I will always remain professional. Besides I have a boyfriend already that put all of you to shame.   
  
Jovi: And you must be Roadblock the infamous cook. Am I right honey?  
  
Roadblock: That you are.   
  
Jovi: Ooooooo I love Navy Men .   
  
Shipwreck: Hey I don't roll that way.   
  
Jovi: I just said I loved them, that didn't mean you particulary.   
  
Shipwreck: I don't know whether to be insulted or relieved.   
  
Shane: All right and last but not least Spirit . Oh boy you looking fine.   
  
Spirit: Thanks ... I think.   
  
Shane: Now all into the building we go. We shall begin the Walk today.   
  
Roadblock: Wait there is a walk in the beauty contest?   
  
Shane: yes there is. Now you shall have to make it look like you are gliding/struting across the room.   
  
Duke: The what who what?   
  
Shane demonstrated the ancient walk used by women for courting. By placing the right foot in front of the left, and make it look as though you are gliding across the water. It takes a week to master, but unfortunately have only one day to do it in.   
  
Shane: All right Spirit you first. Very good a little shaky, but you can be corrected. NEXT!!!!  
  
Shipwreck walked the "manly" way. The arms were a swinging all about the walk. Shane and Jovi looked with disapproving faces. The male stride that he had done was absoulutely horrid.   
  
Jovi: No   
  
Shipwreck: What do you mean no. This is the absolute best that impresses the ladies.   
  
Jovi: Well I have seen your track record of escorting yourself, and believe it or not Godwilling you will learn something from this course in dating.   
  
Shipwreck: I need no lesson in dating its just that ...   
  
Jovi: Its just that you haven't been able to find a date period for the past 15 months. Talk about sexual frustration and tension.   
  
Shipwreck: HEY YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jovi: I'm not , I am just stating the facts. Its not gossip if its true isn't it. Now do as I say or otherwise I will be on your ass for the next two weeks. And stop taking it out of context you pervert.   
  
Shipwreck: All right.   
  
Shipwreck had to be shown the walk servral times but eventrually had gotten it down successfully. Duke as always was the perfectionist. He managed to get it right on the first try. However as for Beach Head and Low Light those two couldn't tell left from right.   
  
Low Light: Step the right foot out toward your right or is my left foot toward your right?   
  
Shane: Its the right foot toward my left, because its the left foot toward my right. Right?   
  
Jovi: It think its left and left, then right and right. No Beach Head wait yes you almost got it. Now make it look like what they used to do back in France.   
  
Roadblock: Like this ?   
  
Jovi: Correct , just like that.  
  
Beach Head: Grrrrr   
  
Jovi: Oh stop you be gorgoeous once we get done with you, and even have a better scent   
  
Low Light: Finally I don't know how long I can stand around him one more minute especailly with that smell.   
  
Beach Head : Hey its called natural manly colonge .   
  
Jovi: Okay calm down the both of you before I really teach you a lesson.   
  
Low Light : I'll be good   
  
Jovi: damn   
  
Low Light :( sarcastically) Since when does wearing natural colonge count as rivaling Big foot?   
  
Duke: I didn't know you can even act sacrastic , or even know the personality trait for it.   
  
Spirit: Wow he is human !!!!!!  
  
Shipwreck: What he's not a robot ?   
  
Low Light : yes I am freaking human being.   
  
Beach Head : Couldn't tell.   
  
Jovi: Okay next number that we will be teaching you will be the dance routine.   
  
Shipwreck: The what's it called now?   
  
Jovi: The dance routine, duh.   
  
Shipwreck: Haha I knew that   
  
Shane: Whatever. Now lets get this party started. This year the competetion has incorporated the musical style of street and hip hop booty shaking dances into this catergory of talent and the primary introduction dance routines.   
  
Duke: Hip bop who what now?   
  
Shane cut on the famous song which made the thong popular to all the women out there. All watching except for Roadblock and Jovi. Other than that a look of utter and complete shock had cross their faces. Low Lights eyes were about to pop out of their sockets. Beach Head had a look of queiness on his face. Spirit was adjusting to the fact that he had to even do that in FRONT OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE. Shipwreck was just enjoying the excitment knowing that he can finally be taught to dance for free. Then the horrible moment came as if nothing else was bad enough. The buttocks shook uncontronably up and down. Booty elevator was now in use, and he did it gracefully like a cat. For the finish he pivoted and posed.   
  
Shane: ( Panting) Alright how about that . What do you think about it?   
  
Roadblock: Can I put something on that I can dance to?   
  
Shane: Sure why not lets get a good look in your dancing capabilities.   
  
Stero is loaded with a mysterious disk. Roadblock starts dancing to the famous song which began it all. .   
  
Rapper: I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CAN NOT NOT LIE   
  
YOU OTHER BROTHAS CAN'T DENY   
  
WHEN A GIRL WALKS IN WITH A ITTY LITTLE WAIST AND A ROUND THING IN YOUR FACE YOU GET SPRUNG   
  
Like a whole lot because you feel like that butt was stuck   
  
Diggin the jeans she's wearing I'm hooked and i can't stop starin   
  
Oh baby I wanna get wit ya   
  
To take ur picture   
  
My homeboyz try to warn me because that butt you got   
  
make me some  
  
OOOOOO rub that smooth skin you want ta get in that biz   
  
well use me use me cause you aint that average groupie   
  
I see her dancin   
  
To hell wit romancing   
  
Beach Head, Low Light and etc could only gape at there fellow comrade shaking it like a salt shaker. Shane and Jovi were heard chanting on in the background, and knew that they really didn't need to teach him anything. The others could only watch in horror as they knew they had to dance the same routine.   
  
Shane : Go Roadlock its ur birthday Gogogogogoogogogogogogogogogogogogogogo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1Yeah boy shake it like a salt shaker.   
  
Beach Head: I WILL KILL THEM ......  
  
Low Light : Not before I Do first   
  
Shipwreck: Oh come on you two lighten up it will give us a chance to get along in each others presence for once   
  
Duke: Its a mission and we were selected to do this type of thing.   
  
Spirit: More like forced into doing this.   
  
Jovi: Alright boys who is the next victim!!!!!  
  
Shipwreck: I guess that would be me since eveyone else is too scared to do it   
  
Beach Head: Damn straight   
  
Low Light: Not my style.   
  
Jovi: I will be your sytle sooner or later blondie  
  
Low Light : yeah right in your dreams   
  
Jovi: well youur already there hehe.   
  
Low Light: Know what go screw yourself . Wait nevermind. I'll shut up now   
  
Jovi: Thank you   
  
Roadblock : Why didn't you guys join in? Hell even shipwreck is doing it.   
  
Duke: Since when did shipwreck actually make sense ?  
  
Roadblock: Good point   
  
Like it hate it click the review button and see whether or not you like it already. THIS I COMMAND OF YOU. 


	6. Left feet

GI JOE Mr. World  
  
" The Dance "  
  
" Chapter 6"  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own GI JOE period. I am a college student that is bent on losing weight for this stupid costume.  
  
Jovi: Shipwreck, good job boy. Shake that thing  
  
Shane: A very good job indeed. Low Light and Beach Head come out of your shells just for once in your life. Come on it'd will be fun.  
  
Beach Head: Not when all of them are here. I 'd die from freaking embarrassment. Besides I have two left feet !  
  
Low Light: I am not prancing around like some damn butterfly.  
  
Jovi: You never know until you try.  
  
Shane: You know what well give you two; dance lessons; one with Shane and One with me.  
  
Beach Head : Do we have a choice?  
  
Jovi : Ummmmmmmm No unless ...  
  
Beach Head: What ?  
  
Jovi: You would not do it ...  
  
Beach Head: Your jedi mind trick doesn't work with me because I am too...  
  
Jovi: Straight  
  
Spirit: Smellier than bbq's "last" recipe.  
  
Beach Head: Its called being manly.  
  
Spirit: Its called frightening away sasquatch.  
  
Jovi: Where'd you come from? Your supposed to be in talent training with Duke.  
Spirit: I am on my five minute break.  
  
Jovi: Whatever you define that horrendous smell to be , in which case you will have to lose of course that pungent odor you insist on keeping; for the competition.  
  
Beach Head: I would rather be shaved bald , than lose my smell.  
  
Shane: You know both can be arranged easily.  
  
Meanwhile back at the base....  
  
Hawk: What the HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!!!!  
  
Leather Neck: As soon as he gets back; he won't notice that we pulled the ole switch on him.  
  
Lifeline: What is going on and why is everyone screaming... OH MARY MOTHER OF HOOD WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!!!!!!!!  
  
Wet Suit : It was by accident. We didn't mean it at all.  
  
Leather Neck: Lifeline aren't you supposed to keep cool during this type of situation.  
  
Lifeline: THIS SHIT IS OF BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS, YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN!!!! Peace!!!!!! This cat is out this bitch.  
  
Wet Suit: Your blowing this way out of proportion.  
  
Hawk: Lets see what he does to you when he returns.  
  
At the dance studio its still the first day and the contestants are having a hard time adopting to the dance number.  
  
Shane: all right there must surely get a way for you to get past this left foot thing.  
  
Beach Head: Oh it can't be that bad it was the in thing in high school.  
  
Shane: But now it looks like you having a seizure, and a couple of beers while at it.  
  
Shane: Well YOU were selected just based on your skills in combat and infantry. Three is not to mention your outstanding record of bravery from your fellow joes.  
  
Beach Head: Well of course  
  
Shane: The fact that well ya know, nah never mind  
  
Beach Head: OH No your not making me fall for that!!!  
  
Shane: For what , I mean I am just pointing out that you can dish it out that but you can't take it.  
  
Beach Head: Yeah as sure as God lives that I can take it .  
  
Shane : Yeah right and when cows fly and sing I feel pretty. Regardless you are doing it no matter what.  
  
Beach Head: When do we start?  
  
Shane : Follow me  
  
Beach Head: This will never end will it ?  
  
Shane: You bet your rocky mountain oysters  
  
Beach Head: I least I have a pair of...  
  
Shane: Listen to me since I am more off course than Brittany Spear's imaginary career ,then as far as I am concerned I do have a sex life  
  
Beach Head: Sex has nothing to do with this at all.  
  
Shane : You took it to that level honey okayyyy now lets get that ass a shakin'.  
  
Shake it like a saltshaker!!!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Wet Suit: Do you think that we can put it back together.  
  
Leather Neck: I do know lets see if we can take this to Covergirl or may even jinx  
  
Wet Suit: yeah I mean we can say it ours ,right?  
  
Covergirl: OH NO I AM NOT IMPLICATING MYSELF. THERES NO WAY THAT I AM TOUCHING THAT THING AT ALL. YOU'LL MEET DEATH AS SOON AS HE COMES BACK.  
  
Leatherneck: oh come on Covergirl you have to help us. I admit we're jackasses but that's no reason NOT to help out a couple friends.  
  
Covergirl: Sorry I don't help morons. You got yourself into this mess now you get yourself outta it. Pronto!!  
  
Wet suit: Awwww come on  
  
Covergirl: NO!!!!!!!! Now out I need to finish something.  
  
Meanwhile at the base all was quiet and peaceful. It was so quiet people can hear a pin drop. However not was all conformity for across the complex away from the sleeping quarters two trainers along with two joes were working hard and feverishly on dance routines.  
  
Jovi: finally we're making some progress.  
  
Shane: Your telling me it was a first hard, but they have made significant improvement  
  
Low Light: (panting) This looked so easy to do on TV.  
  
Beach Head: I am to freaking tired poop to poop  
  
Low Light: WHAT the INFAMOUS BEACH HEAD throw in the towel? He is tired too much to go on?  
  
Beach Head: Hey my feet need a damn break from ballet, hip shaking...  
  
Jovi: break dancing.  
  
Low Light : BS and you know it.  
  
Shane: Okay ladies go turn in for the night.  
  
Jovi: Tomorrow we work on talent !!!  
  
Low Light: I shoot things if that's any help  
  
Jovi: yeah basically anybody in the branches of the armed forces shoots things  
  
Low Light :From a long distance ?  
  
Jovi: Yeah Well work on talent tomorrow in the meantime bedtime.  
  
Beach Head was already gone as it was the only three of them left in the room. The lights were flickered off for the night. All except for one were met with satisfying dreams of teddy bears, plush toys, and dancing pies.  
  
Duke : Its pretty bad isn't it  
  
Hawk: Conformation on that its just a disaster , How could those two especially foul things up.  
  
Duke: Can it be fixed ?  
  
Hawk: without Roadblock here there is no possible way of fixing the problem period  
  
Duke: So your just going to let him go through this and let it run its course ?  
  
Hawk: Yes I am going to have to let it run its course  
  
Duke: So we even have the financial backing for that kind of project  
  
Hawk: How could they've have just carelessly done that with no remorse at all.  
  
Duke: This could really be an end to GI Joe as we know it, I knew I knew I should have retired last year.  
  
Hawk: All right over and out, and is that what I think it is ?  
  
Duke: No I only use it for practice  
  
Hawk: Some practice  
  
Duke: Your telling me  
  
Hawk: Over and out.  
  
Duke: Why did they? How did they break one of the most important things that came into GI Joe's existence. OOOOOOOOO a Reese's bar ! Its been soooooooo long !!!!  
  
Next up talent!!!! Can the guys gain any in time for the deadline? Will the boys be to prevent a disaster of biblical proportions ever from happening. Will the Reese's bar not go to duke's thighs all read the next episode and review this one until next time hehe! I had writers block for a while and no Internet access which just sucks completely. 


	7. Talent

GI Joe Chapter 7  
  
"Talent"  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything period. Don't sue , the best thing you will get from me is lint.  
  
Jovi: Wakie Wakie boys its a brand new day that God has illuminated upon our souls. Time to practice the dance routine all together now, and for the ever dreadful talent day to commence.  
  
Shipwreck : Just five more minutes mommy please. I am so freaking tired from partying at the bar with those chicks yesterday.  
  
Shane: I got news for you; those weren't chicks  
  
Shipwreck shot up in bed, pale and sweating. His were wide as saucers. He looked over at Shane for some sign of relief, however, he did not receive any. Shane met his gaze; simile; and walked from the room to Duke's quarters. He knocked on the door, and a dressed Duke walked from his room.  
  
Shane: Meeting in office 304 at 1100, and its important Intel that was gathered as recently as yesterday.  
  
Duke:(sleeply) Need coffee to functionnn...  
  
Shane:In the cafe, and do you remember what I said ?  
  
Duke: 304 at 1100 ...  
  
Shane: Ah good enough, go get your coffee.  
  
Duke: Must get coffeeeeeeeee, and sugary goodness.  
  
Shane: Whatever floats your boat.  
  
Shane walked to the next room, and knocked. When he receive no response. He opened the door . The room was absolutely immaculate. He walked to the bed waiting to find the occupant, but alas he wasn't there period.  
  
Shane: yeah that is right Roadblocks making blueberry pancakes and eggs. Damn let me finish waking them up. Sexy Spirit wakeeeeeeeee uppppppppp.  
  
The door opened and a half dead spirit turned his head to the source of the voice that called his name. All he could get out was ...  
  
Spirit: (Sleeply)Huh  
  
Shane: Blueberry pancakes and eggs in the cafe.  
  
Spirit: Why am I supposed to care?  
  
Shane: Two words Roadblock and Cooking ring a bell?  
  
Spirit was gone and dressed in sweats. He was halfway down the hallway in a flash. While all this happened Shane lost track of time, and decided to wake the remaining contestants as well.  
  
Wayne R. Sneeden turned over in his bed only to face the alarm clock and find that it was 5 am.  
  
BeachHead: Ah crap I 'm late for work.  
  
He slowly turned over in bed to get up, and stepped on something soft. He looked down only to see that a leg was sticking out from underneath a blanket. He figured it wasn't his. He went for the lights on the side of his bed, and flipped the switch. When light illuminated from the lamp. He saw the suspect had wrapped their entire self in the blanket except for their leg. Wayne grabbed the gun off the night stand and ; in a lighting pace grabbed the blanket and pulled it off.  
  
Beach Head: Holy Crap. Low Light have lost your damn mind?  
  
Low Light :Beach Head shut the hell up. And What the hell are you doing in my room?  
  
BeachHead: Correction this is my room jackass, what the hell are you doing on my floor?!  
  
Low Light gave his version of " what the hell are you talking about"? look.  
  
Just then Shane busted in and was shocked to see them both. He was speechless, and no one moved for about a good minute. He just kept his eyes from going back and forth. Uneasiness crept over all three men in the room. The silence was deafing. No one knew how to exactly explain the situation. Then Shane shook himself to reality and stated what need to said.  
  
Shane: Ummm report to the office 304 at 1100 hours please. Dance rehearsal in 10.  
  
Then he turned to leave the room and then turned back around to face an bewildered BeachHead and Half asleep Low Light on the floor. Shane then looked at Low Light and stated.  
  
Shane: Low light if this is what I think it is...  
  
Low light : Which it is not...  
  
Shane: But only if I think that it might possibly...  
  
Low Light: I sleep walk at night OKAY. Which is in case this was just an accident that I ended up in his room on the floor. Therefore its completely innocent.  
  
Shane: But just in case that it is what I think it is . Boy you can do a lot more better than him.  
  
Low Light: Excuse me?  
  
Shane: Honey raise your expectations in life don't fall for the first thing that comes along.  
  
Low Light : What are you talking about?  
  
Beach Head: WHAT DO YOU MEAN RAISE YOUR EXPECTATIONS?!!!  
  
Low Light: Even if I did have high expectations; they would be a lot more higher than him.  
  
BeachHead: What is that supposed to mean? What I not cute enough for ...!!  
  
Shane: Okayyyyyyyyy  
  
Beach Head:You came into my room last night, and slept on the floor.  
  
Low Light: How am supposed to have control over sleepwalking to where I go. Besides the smell almost killed me last night.  
  
Shane: OK you two dance rehearsal in five minutes, and remember what I said.  
  
Low Light: bout what?  
  
Beach Head: You two out I need to dress.  
  
Low Light : My freaking pleasure. I'll remember to buy an air freshener for your pits for Christmas.  
  
Beach Head: What !!!  
  
Low Light was gone and down the hall in his room. When he got there everything was in its proper place. Jovi then came over the intercom.  
  
Jovi: Meet in the dance hall for rehearsal. If your ass is not up, it will be by now.  
  
By 510 everyone was gathered in the dance hall dressed in sweats.  
  
Shane: Okay gentlemen. Now all that hard work yesterday is about to pay off so that you can move onto the second phase of our operation. But just so we can check to see how you guys look and your movements. There will be a dance routine once a day every two days. That's only if of course that you will not fail this dance rehearsal  
  
Jovi: all right and 5,6,7,8.  
  
Half turn and twist. Pivot half split and good. Low Light stop scowling or otherwise your face will get stuck that way. Duke head higher. Roadblock and spirit get that leg up good excellent they didn't pick you for nothing. Finally the music came to and end.  
  
Shane: all right guys that was excellent. Now for phase two. Jovi bring out "IL Eiffel"  
  
Jovi: Right...  
  
He snapped his fingers and a team came in carrying a small version of the Eiffel tower. It was filled with thousands of small papers. The six Joes gaped in bewilderment as to what this thing had to do with the mission.  
  
Shane: okay this thing basically determines which talent you will be doing in the pageant. Duke your first pick a talent any talent you want. That is if you want to give up the one you have now. Spirit the same applies as well.  
  
Duke walked up and picked his from the very bottom of the stack.The rest followed suite with what he had done. When all was done. The tower was taken away. Then the pain staking process began to find out which talent they have selected. Fingers slowly unwrapped the small papers.  
  
Shipwreck: ummm so what'd you get?  
  
Duke: You go first.  
  
Shipwreck: All right blade juggling  
  
Roadblock: Can anybody detect a little BS in some truth to that.  
  
Shipwreck: All right fine what did you get Roadblock  
  
Roadblock: I got Aerial Tissu.  
  
Spirit: Shipwreck what did you truthfully get?  
  
Shipwreck: I am not lying to you. I really got blade juggling.  
  
Duke: Shipwreck let me see the paper.  
  
Shipwreck: No not until you tell me what you got.  
  
Duke: Fine I chose... Wow ... ummm  
  
Spirit : Out with it already.  
  
Duke: ummmm Displaying martial arts.  
  
Beach Head: Your shitting me right?  
  
Duke: Read it and weep baby!!!  
  
Shipwreck: Dammit!!!!!  
  
Spirit: NOW shipwreck we don't have all freaking day long.  
  
Shipwreck: Well ummm its going to be aaaaa Contortionist.  
  
Spirit: Now that wasn't bad  
  
Shipwreck: Not any contortionist either.  
  
Roadblock: What a body?  
  
Low Light: Head ?  
  
Duke: Arm ?  
  
Shipwreck: (mumbles) tal... contortionist.  
  
Spirit: A what?  
  
Low Light: HOOD ALMIGHTY YOUR A PENILE CONTORTIONIST!!!  
  
Everyone else: WHAT !????  
  
Shipwreck: How did YOU know Low Light?  
  
Low Light: You forget I am sniper, and I have better eyesight than all of your put together.  
  
Spirit: So you play with yourself, but how would you want to twist like that?  
  
Shipwreck:( sarcastically) Yeah like I WANTED to pick this talent.  
  
Spirit:Okay I'll go next I got performance art.  
  
Roadblock: Performance art is another word for ...  
  
Spirit: Belly Dancing. Low Light what you get?  
  
Low Light: I ummm got well I  
  
Beach Head: Spill IT !!!!  
  
Low Light: Display of SELF DEFENSE. Read it and weep. So Beach Head what did you get?  
  
Shipwreck: Yeah Beach What you get?  
  
Beach Head:(mumbles) Stick dancing.  
  
Duke snatched the paper from his hands, and gave it to Shipwreck.  
  
Shipwreck: You got pole dancing as in stripper dancing?! Beach Head: Its better than an excuse to jerk off in front of an audience as a talent. . Shipwreck: Now finally their will be an explanation for his personality now.  
  
Beach Head: Likewise now their is an explanation on why you shrink in the shower. Plus why you could never perform to well with the common prostitute.  
  
Spirit: Dude that was cold.  
  
Shipwreck: Takes one to know one.  
  
.Jovi: It'd be cold all right.  
  
Shipwreck: Shut up.  
  
Shane: If you guys are done talking, start walking to your assigned rooms. Receive the second phase of your training.And remember keep an open mind.  
  
They all filed slowly out of the Gym. They walked their separate ways to the separate facilities that they would be training in until 3 days before the competition. Roadblock walked on what seemed to be for hours. It was actually five minutes to get to an isolated building with high ceilings. he entered and the motion sensors flicked the lights on. A bloody red clothe caught his eye. It was there isolated in the center. A small woman caught his eye. She climbed down from 100 ft of silk cloth, and introduced herself.  
  
Latisha: Hello I am guessing that your here for the Aerial Tissu lesson right ?  
  
Roadblock: Yes mam  
  
Latisha: Well then lets begin. I assume that you have the endurance of rubber band right.  
  
Roadblock: yeah I guess so.  
  
Latisha: For starters your going to have to take off your shoes at first, and do some YOGA plus pilates which will help you in the long run.  
  
Roadblock: What's you name?  
  
Latisha: my name is Latisha, and you would be code name Roadblock am I right.  
  
Roadblock: Good Job, then how do the aerial tissu thing again?  
  
Latisha: Think of it as kneading bread.  
  
Well thats it for this chapter. Write me whether or not I should write a PG13 version of the chapter as well. In addition I am thinking about writing a second ending for it so that people can actually vote to see whether or not their favorite character wins the show. I need to know a yay or nay on the PG13 and a second ending . REVIEW I command you to do so. More surprises are in store for the guys as the big day approaches with some nasty obstacles. Hehe can the guys survive the "beauty treatments", let alone stay in contest.  
  
Preview:  
  
Francis: Hello I am your instructor Francis. And you must be Spirit welcome to the marvelous world of belly dancing.  
  
Spirit: What did I just get myself into.  
  
Francis: Don't worry you'll be able to grasp everything in a week. Now we will start off with stretching those hip muscles.  
  
Spirit: I don't think I even have hip muscles.  
  
Francis: Yes believe or not you do.  
  
Meanwhile back on the base...  
  
Leather Neck: Now Mainframe can you hold this for a second.  
  
Mainframe: yeah sure.  
  
It all to seemed to be in slow motion as the object fell and shattered into millions of pieces.  
  
Leather Neck: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Wet suit: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Now what are we going to do. 


	8. Chapter 8

GI Joe

Chapter 8

"Change of Plans"

I don't own GI JOE at all. Don't sue the closest thing I have in my pocket right now is lint.

Hattie: Well this is going to be an interesting week?

BeachHead: No I'm not, why couldn't I have gotten martial arts like Lowlight ?

Hattie: Every Mr. World is going to have something that is going to make them stand out. There is a chance that more than 50 of guys there will be performing martial arts routines. Granted martial arts is something creative but in order to survive in the compassion you need that spark. Something that you do not see the "average" guy involved in.

BeachHead: How does twirling around a pole account for the "creativity" in the freaking stupid contest?

Hate: You be surprised what would impress the judges

BeachHead:Okay other than stripping would there be possibly a chance for me to display my creative talents of training on stage?

Hattie: No.

BeachHead: Damn.

Hattie: Think of it this way. The sooner you complete this the sooner you get to leave, and torture your squad again.

Beach Head: Is that supposed to be an incentive?

Hattie: Make of it what you want, you got dealt an interesting card. Okay lets get started shall we.

In the conference room back at the Pit there was a completely different atmosphere for the soldiers. Hawk wore a very grave face as he delivered bad news to the people in his company.

Hawk: Alright heres the new Intel that I received just a while ago from the Secret Service. Apparently Cobra has managed to infiltrate the ceremonies despite every security measure that has been put into place.

Scarlett: meaning...

Hawk: Cobra does have contestants in the Mr. World Competition. Snuffing them out without creating a Multi National incident will be a difficult task. Also there are suspicions that one of the judges might be in the cahoots with Cobra.

Lady Jaye: Well can't one of the judges be removed from the paneling for these suspicions. Or better yet her period?

Hawk: Unfortunately we don't want an international incident as it is. At this rate it was a miracle that we even managed to get six joes in the competition at all.

Lady Jaye: So basically watch our steps as we go.

HawK: You hit it Jaye. Oh and as for the item that was broken a couple of days ago have better fix it or you will look forward to being buried six feet under. Understood?

Leather Neck: Don't worry it will be fixed before he comes back.

Hawk: Ok enough of that. Now Flint whose in the lead for this training thing?

Flint:Everyone is doing fine in fact.

At Cobra headquarters...

Cobra: How is our progress on the assassination plan.

Baroness: Everything is ready. our trainee is going through practice sessions as we speak. There is no way that GI JOE can detect us from assassinating the daughter.

Cobra: Excellent Baroness. Well then all are dismissed...

A single voice reigned from the crowd of followers and objected to the idea that Cobra Commander had. Xamot gave his opinion all right, while his twin Tomax was trying to hush his brother before his foul mouth sent both to the grave.

Cobra Commander: No Tomax let me hear what your brother has to say, after all no subject is taboo to me at all. Go ahead Xamot go on and speak.

Xamot: Cobra commander this plan has been viewed to be one of the dumbest plot I have ever heard in my entire career here!

Tomax: Okay there goes my promotion and the company car.

Xamot: Cobra Commander now would be the time to strike the Joes while their too busy taking the priority of protecting the presidents daughter. They have consistently ruined our plans, and now would be good time to strike them when they least expect it.

Cobra Commander: Xamot dear Xamot why must you question my authority at the moment when everything is going to plan. Its to our advantage that Cobra manages to get to assassinate the daughter of the US and at the same time maintain a good distance from the incident at all. Do you not see this at all.

Tomax: (whispering): Please dear God tell him to say yes

Xamot: No! I really don't see the point. All of your plans and schemes have failed miserably time and time again. Because YOU specifically let GI Joe gain the upper hand in almost every single one of Cobra's plans.

Baroness shifted in her seat toward Destro and whispered. Cobra commander could only somehow remain calm throughout every single insult and offense that was thrown at him by Xamot. He played with the opal stone that he held in his grasp, lost in its beauty for only mere moments, and tuned out Xamot at the same time. Then an idea struck one that would make sure the plan would be a total success for not only for himself, but for Cobra as whole. Something that would ensure the plan would go through as planned.

Cobra Commander: ENOUGH YOU INSOLENT FOOL!

Xamot seized on what would be the brink of his next tirade. He stood ready to go into his next tirade one that would have had the entire base divided on the issue for a good month.

Cobra Commander: If your opinion is for a fact that the missions are constantly going wrong for bad leadership then fine. I am open to your strong opinions, and willing to take criticism on my part and anybody else's. However GI Joe bottom line is the chief enemy that we must defeat in this mission, not to mention kill that pain in the ass ...

Baroness: You mean the president's daughter right?

Cobra Commander: Yeah that one. Getting back to the subject at hand, it is a matter of leadership in all cases that leads to whether or not the people are going to succeed. And since you think my leadership is one that is to questioned for the completion of this mission. In order to make sure that that this mission goes through to being completed I am going to place you personally in charge of this mission just so that it can be finished successfully.

Xamot: Really ?

Cobra Commander: I should say so you deserve it to the tee.

Xamot: I accept.

Destro: ( whispering) You know there is going to be a huge catch to that , I hope he realizes that.

Tomax: Knowing my brother probably not, He's a jackass, he will never listen.

Cobra Commander: My dear Xamot I am so confident of your abilities that I am going to place you in the most fore front leading position as...

Xamot: Yes

Cobra Commander: Mr. Croatia

Xamot: What ?

Cobra Commander: It is a way of ensuring that the mission will be a complete success, and if it is not Xamot it will be your head literally. Understand?

Xamot: What you tricked me! Why you snake eating...

Cobra Commander: Take him away to be prepared as an contestant for the competition.

Xamot: you can do this too me! YOU BASTARD! I'll I'll

Cobra Commander: yeah yeah I know the bit I know that you will have vengeance etc. etc. yeah tell me something I don't know.

Xamot: Grrrrrrrr, keep talking ugly cause when I get through with you you'll need to tie a pork chop around your neck just to get a dog to play with you.

Cobra Commander: Since your in a beauty competition, Baroness make sure that he actually gets a face that people won't cringe when they look at him.

Guard 1: Oh no he didn't.

Cobra Commander: I went there and then some .

Destro: Guards escort Xamot to is prison cell!

Leather Neck and Wet Suit stood behind Mainframe searching web sites for the item in question that they broke. It turns out with a lot of bribing and puppy eyes they managed to get mainframe involved in their little search for the replacement for Beach Head which wasn't going to well at all. Every single duplicate as it turns out wasn't an genuine enough for Beach Head's tastes. They scoured the far reaches of the Internet in search for the broken object in question looking and even in some cases calling to find out that it was cracked or was missing a piece.

Mainframe: I don't you two really messed up this time. You better hope that Beach Head never finds out about this at all. It can mean easily a year's worth of PT for the both of you for 12 hours a day seven days a week.

Leather Neck: Don't worry there always has to be hope even for the both of us.

Mainframe: Keep telling yourselves that over and over again.

Wet suit: Are you sure its not the right one? Positive? Yeah thanks bye.

Leather Neck: Any luck?

Wet Suit: We are going to have our asses handed to us by Wayne when he gets back.

Mainframe: Look you guys are going to have at least 12 more days until the competition. That should be plenty of time to get right with God and prepare yourselves to face Wayne.

Baroness stood over Xamot as the wax and ectroloysis machines were being prepared on the table next to him. The surgeons were taking measurements of his head and torso to see precisely how much was needed in the case of the waxing. Xamot could only sit back and recently remember the conversation with the guard about how he got himself into the situation that he was in at the moment.

While incarcerated Xamot paced back and forth like a caged panther. He was still in shock and disbelief that cobra commander had the nerve and audacity to talk to him in that manner and on top of it imprison him. He could only come to a slow pace and eventually stop because he wanted to preserve energy for a struggle to be taken out of the jail cell.

Xamot: When I get out of here!

Guard: Shut your freaking pie hole!

Xamot: You can't talk to me that way!

Guard: I just did bitch, why do you think that you ended up in here in the first place. You questioned the bosses order and made a complete jackass out of yourself.

Xamot: Because his leadership is is ...

Guard: Failing miserably through your eyes...

Xamot : Yes...

Guard: Look you got yourself into this mess and now You will have to learn how to deal with the consequences okay. I know that it will not be that easy at all with the next six or seven days that you will be in this beauty competition. Hey you get a shit load of clothes and what not for free right? So if I were you I would take this opportunity of a lifetime, who knows you might like it.

Xamot: I have never thought of it like that, hey your trying to trick me into going along with their plans.

Guard: Hey as far as i am concerned you brought this upon yourself understand?

Xamot: OOOOO yes I understand now hahahahahahahahhaaha

Guard: Okay yeah you might want to cut out the evil laugh , because well its really sort of stupid. Its not as imposing as your brother's .

Xamot: Oh, well then how can I make it sound more intimidating.

Guard: Well for one thing get rid of that spandex eighties attire...

Well I am freaking exhausted after this semester. Still deciding what to do with the rest of my life so far, and its freaking stressing me out. Okay what next can be in store for our contestants? Mawhahahahahahaha ha ! Now its time for me to do some reading goodnight.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

**GI Joe**

**Phase one for Duke : The wax**

Disclaimer: I do not own GI Joe whatsoever, and i am a broke college student. The only thing that you would get is pocket lint.

It was quiet on the top secret base, and all was natural, all was calm ,and tranquil. In a clandestine room two trainers tracked their students' progress. Folders and papers were everywhere, and they were going over vigorously what could be used, and what was forbidden in the competition. They had been up for hours studying this brand new material to enhance their students positions in the competition. Their was nothing wrong with that, but in order for them to keep security measures around the presidents daughter, things had to be compromised. Jovi turned to the computer screen for a break from the astronomical mass of folders that were piled upon the oak table. Jovi taped a few keys to bring up the file of every candidate here in preparation for the pageant.

Shane: Well who do we take first to get this thing done and over with? Or should we have a fashion expert go with them for an afternoon of shopping?

Jovi: Well I don't know about you, but I think that some of them need to undergo make overs first, like makeup and hair and the trade secrets thing. Plus I think that we should even appoint a coach for everyone of them to give them pointers on the contest and help them through it.

Shane: You know that is a good idea, someone that they can go to, and talk about their insecurities and what not. Someone that they can report to and go talk out issues. As we know that their are really bitchy and cruel people that we know in this business.

Jovi: Dear God Robert Jenner is participating in the competition. He is representing England in the competition.

Shane: That bastard is going to be the one to beat. Wait... Can he be suspected of working with Cobra?

Jovi: As far as interpol is concerned, he is in the clear.

Shane: Dammit.

Jovi: Oh well you win some, and you lose some.

Shane: On the upside actually I came up with a little selection program for the makeovers, and the results are...

He constantly struggled hoping by some chance that the guards; would at some point get tired of carrying him. But to no avail he was stripped and strapped down to the stainless steel table. Xamot glared definitely at Cobra commander , who, just stared at person at hand. High heeled footsteps caught his attention, and he thought the baroness was walking towards him. Low and behold it was a man in a lab coat. He had the latest in valentino frames and a disturbing perky appearance. He automatically studied Xamot in order to prepare for the necessary augmentations that would be required to take the contest and cajole the president's daughter to fall for him.

Xamot: You sick bastard! I'll get you for this...

Cobra Commander: Oh DOC don't you think that he could use some of those scotoal implants? And not to mention a liquid injection or too? Its ah looking a minute from this angle.

Doctor: As a matter of fact yes, and a lot of botox in his face. Scratch that he needs face lift and botox. Damn I haven't seen wrinkles like those since I did Joan river's... ( His shoulders shook)Ewww bad memories. Okay how bout an ass lift as well?

Xamot: What no, my ass is perfectly fine.

Baroness: Okay yeah ummm keep telling yourself that. He needs a least a six inch lift, cause that thing is sagging more than...

Destro: Okay moving on, I recommend how do you say a skintone would be nice, and a six pack.

Xamot: I'm not that pasty!

Destro: Well from under this light you are, and lets get some lip for those thunder thighs.

Xamot: What? How dare you ! Thats my best feature!

Doc: Sure if you count all that cellulite. Staff prep him for surgery.

Xamot: Brother help where are you brother!

Tomax: Certainly not saving your ass.

The table ran parallel to the floor and was about a good three feet off the ground. Harsh bright light illumanted from the sheer bright lamps from above, and shone brightly onto the unwilling patient. He struggled against the bounds that held him, and to no avail he could not get loose.

Doctor: Mindbender pass me that scalpel, I must make him into a masterpiece! Nurses sedate him and now!

Nurse: Yes doctor!

Xamot: Wait where is the antheisologist?(AN: the person that stands beside the table monitoring the amount of sedative you take for surgery)

Nurse: Well its called budget cuts, hold still.

Xamot: Tomax where the hell are you! Your supposed to help me!

Tomax: Yeah key word, " supposed". Helping you requires effort, and that's something that I am too lazy to do.

Mindbender: This is payback for all the things that you have pulled with me and my cat... Mr. Winkles this is for you!

Xamot: You migh...

DOC: Yes we know we will break you body not your mind routine, now unless you don't shut up we'll show you "Little Women" the extended version.

Silence was achieve from the patient, and was kept as the scalpel was put through his flesh.

Shane sat up and stared at the time, and the amount of days that were required for training. It has already been 6 days since the mission started. Fashion and makeup haven't even been touched yet. As he imagined it, it would come down to the wire. .

Jovi: Well which one should be done with their training today?

Shane looked over the laptop carefully and assessed that Duke was complete with the talent training for the pageant Mwhahahahaha... Ha our first victim.

Jovi: Handsome boy gets to go first eh? Hair, clothes, or the works?

Shane: The works, naturally .Its the only way to go for these boys.

Jovi: Speaking from a materialistic, snobbish, conceited perspective, yeah they don't stand a chance. We want to be noticed and standout from the rest in the Pageant

Jovi: All right lets get to work shall we.

Duke stood behind the duo, as they rode down the corridor in the elevator. Finally they came to halt and the doors part only to reveal a huge group of people dressed in lab coats. Jovi and Shane jogged to meet to what seemed to be the head of the group.

Misha: Well then its about time that you showed with the subject. Oh and hello over there. I am the head cosmetics / fashion specialist. I am sure Jovi and Shane have mentioned my work to you.

Shane: Moving on, give him the works, and were in a rush as well. He should be easy.

Misha: On the surface he might look handsome, and but underneath those clothes I don't know.

Duke: Hey I am not that bad looking. And Ma'm why are you swathing me with a cotton ball?

Lyoko: Well I am taking your sweat to make a special cologne that will work for you and only for you. It should be done in three days time.

Misha: Shane and Jovi what is the deadline on this one?

Shane: Well with shopping and selection of products I would say 48 hours at most. We're just going to send one after the other for you.

Jovi: Just make him into the model man , except better and hairless down there.

Duke: What!

Shane: Gotta go, see ya babe. Remember this is for your country.Plus ummm we hold dear and near in our hearts.

Misha: Okay just so I know we have the right one, your name is Duke, sparing all the details. And you are the 2nd in command of GI Joe. I am head of my own personal army and unit of cosmetic specialists will make you look like Brad Pitt except a whole lot cuter . Now strip commando we need to get a couple of photos to access the situation.

Duke: These aren't going online are they?

Misha: Stop hesitating and lets gets this show on the road. Go behind that screen, and that's where the photographer will be waiting.

Duke: Dear God thou art in heaven please let me forget about this emotionally scarring day.

Photographer: Please sir turn around so that we can get good profile. Thank you, and guys turn up the heat in the room its a little chilly in here. Yeah that's right give it to me

Duke: Ok..ay

Photographer: Work with it, think of it as a chance for you to fool around for a while.

Duke: Grrrrrr, This is freaking embarrassing.

Photographer: Oh honey work it for me, You wouldn't let your team members know that you pussed out on me.

Duke posed and the camera flashed.

Photographer: Now were getting somewhere!

Misha: Versace or Valentino, I am leaning toward Valentino myself, because I think this red would bring out his eyes more. What is your opinion Sabrina?

Sabrina: Yeah but it can't be too bright or too dark, we don't want him to look pasty. Speaking of pasty which part of the process is he in right now?

Rei: Well ma'am he is only in stage one so far " Waxing from the upper body".

Duke: So you do this often?

Hair Waxer: Yeah, okay put this in your mouth. And don't be nervous. This part should be will be more painful for you than it is for me.

Duke: Your not going to sever something... Are you seriously?

Hair Waxer: Hey the only thing that your going to encounter from me is pain and more pain. No shut up and hold still.

The object was unceremoniously placed in Duke's mouth. She then got him into position, and from the looks of it he didn't have a lot of back hair. She was glad for it, because it cut time in half for her. " All right here we go, and three two and ...

DUKE: MHMHMMHMHMHM

He tried alleviate the area by rubbing it, but she smacked his hand away. Finally she decided that she would handcuff his arms to either side of the chair legs. He struggled for a while, but it was pointless and so he prepared himself to sit through more torture.

Hair Waxer: You ready?

Duke muffled yeah and tensed up as the wax was quickly ripped across his back.

Hair Waxed: Don't worry a mere 2 more to go I swear, that of course is on your back. Your bikini lines, legs, and anal bleaching is completely another story.

Duke: What! OUCH! That one freaking hurt, and that was the second to last one right.

Hair removal: Yes relax that's right its the next to last one.

Duke: Okay, let me get ...OUCH!

Hair Waxer: Now moving on to that bikini line...

Back on Cobra Island an different type of make up was taking one of the cosmetic sorts. After twenty minutes of screaming and struggling, the doctor had finally decided to give Xamot lots of morphine and not allow him to suffer through the surgery. Cobra Commander had left a long time ago to get some rest for the upcoming battle with GI Joe. The Doctor has officially worked for what seemed like several days. Doing all the recommendations that were suggested were slowly taking its toll on him. He has not worked for three days straight before, and the new crew that they had just sent in had at least worked for 36 hours straight. He only had one last thing to do though and that was commonly know as a nose job.

Baroness: Well the DOC reports that he has only one thing left to do and that is a nose job. That's it. Anything else that I should alert him about?

Cobra Commander: No there is not. This is a Pageant not Miss Universe. Now how is the President's daughter coming along?

Baroness: She should be on her way to the hotel at this very moment. The competition is in another 5 days. How is he going to be healed up by then.

Cobra Commander: We'll apply the Regeneration Ray that will heal his swelling and bruises from this surgery in a matter of minutes. He'll still feel the pain yes, but no trace of surgery will be there.

Baroness: Well finally take care of that sniveling little bastard for once and for all.

Whew, remember to vote. Look at my profile to vote and send the e-mail. Now acknowledgments.

Allison, Storm O, scarlett phoenix,Emily, Covergirl, slayne, Kat, Rogue Doll, skye, I Estel vinta amarbarenna lomeo O Duath, trecebo, and Lady Sienna. Thank you very much for all the comments that helped me strive on in writing this story.

Chappie Nine Woot is finally finshed yay!


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